August is Blooming

Today is Friday. As I reflect back on the last few months, I found that I have accomplished much.

I'm back to work full time after another hip surgery. I'm very humbled by everyone in my life. There's a very special place for everyone who has stood beside me over the last few years. My place of employment has got to be one of the greatest places to work. My boss has seen me on the door steps of hell because of my ex-husband. He has seen me tumble down the path of self-destruction due to a man that said he loved me and I believed him.

I just completed my full first week of work. I am completely exhausted and in extreme pain. But the joyous reception that I received at work, upon my return, was fantastic. When they said that they missed me and wanted me back... They weren't joking!

I struggle everyday with looking across the street where my ex-husband was employed. Or is employed. I really can't say that I know for sure of that status. I thought I saw him several times this week while I was out on break. Maybe it's just wishful thinking. When you love someone with your heart and soul, it never leaves you. He said he wished that I would get hit by a bus. His wish want granted, by there's one that was. He said, in a court hearing, that he never wanted to talk to me again. That was a wish I could grant him. Closure is something that will never happen by granting him that wish though.

During the last couple months my kids, and grandsons, helped to plant the garden. It is growing rapidly and pretty much out of control. During my recovery time the garden is where I spent most of my waking hours. There's something about gardening that soothes the mind. There's a gratification I just can't get in anything else I do. The great part about it is that the whole family is involved on a daily basis in making sure that there is always new growth. Not only does some new growth pertain to the garden, but I'd also is great for the family as well.

I can't believe how many pumpkins we have in the garden. I finally had to call it quits and pruned every vine. These things are huge! The garden consists of purple tomatoes, dark red tomatoes, beefsteak tomatoes, cherry tomatoes, corn, watermelon, cantaloupe, lemon cucumbers, regular cucumbers, pumpkins, zucchini, yellow squash, Patty pans, peas, beans, gourds, and every kind of pepper you can think of. It's completely overgrown since I've been back to work. My weekend chore is to try to get some of it under control.

Just being outside, and getting a breath of fresh air, is an act of freedom. There is no one to lock us in or out of anything. My grandson's have access to their toys and belongings all the time. My oldest grandson doesn't talk about the bad things that happened, because of my ex-husband, as much as he used to.

My grandson's spend every moment that they can outside. And today was the first day that my youngest grandson actually tried jumping on the trampoline. We were all so excited. The little guy sure has a love for the outdoors.

I've seen both of my daughters find true love and happiness with the men in their lives. They you know what we have all been through and are extra cautious. They both Give Me Faith that there is someone out there or me if I will just open up.

I met a gentleman who seemed to understand the circumstances that I just came out of. He would always swing by the house and do the repairs that needed to be done. The funniest part is that it didn't matter if it was raining or a hundred and ten degrees. And then he would go about his day. There's something to be said about being broken inside. He always manages to find a way to get me to talk about my emotions. That's a big change from being in an abusive marriage. He just listens, does some repairs, and carries on with what he likes to do.

Our garage is getting a complete overhaul with the help of family and friends. We decided to put up all metal shelving to help get things organized. But every time I walk into the garage I can't help but think about how much my ex-husband would have loved living out here. He wanted to build his own garage to remodel cars. Needless to say, I'm making plenty of room in the garage for the family to do whatever they want.

I was supposed to go on a Harley-Davidson ride with a friend this weekend. I really don't think that I can handle that right now due to the back that that was something that my ex-husband and I did together. The memories aren't pushed back far enough yet for me to enjoy that with someone else yet.

I haven't even unpacked my room, for the most part. I just have memories of him always taking my stuff out of our bedroom, then locking me out of the room. It might be better to just donate my clothes and buy a new wardrobe?

I guess time will heal the wounds. The memories will stay until I find someone who really loves me.