Recovering from abuse part 2

Part of being in an abusive relationship also has to do with money. I found that there's many different aspects of how an abuser approaches the money situation. Once you find the pattern it's easier to control your end.

There are some abusers out there that will literally control when and where you can work. There's also the type of abusers who will demand your paychecks. Fortunately for me I was not in that type of abuse. My daughters and myself were in a different Financial predicament. If the abuser touch something, worked on something, at parts for vehicles, food, or anything else for that matter, he owned it. It was his at any given moment. And those moments are very random. I'm not sure what starts this type of controlling abuse but it definitely did not work with us.

Here's a few examples...

I had some medical issues that were upcoming and needed to make my co-pays. So from our joint tax return that was deposited into his account, stupid right, I transferred $1,000 to my account. He actually filed fraud charges against me for theft. He said because he paid in more than I did all of the refund was his. Even though I was his wife I did not have his permission to take his money. Even though I control the budget and paid all of the bills. So of course I had all of the passwords and usernames for everything.

Another example is my daughter's bed. She needed a new bed when we moved into his house so he bought one. But my daughter is smart enough to never let anyone buy anything for her. So being the beautiful daughter that I raised, she paid him back. So when he demanded that she give the bed back and she did not have to. She paid for it and she was going to take it.

The expedition that we bought for me to be safe insecure in also caused some major abuse. He did work hard on it. I think he was working on it for him more than me. Maybe he thought he was going to end up with this vehicle anyways but that didn't happen either. During the divorce that he wanted desperately, but couldn't seem to get any of his attorneys to write up the decree, he wanted the equity in the Expedition back. He actually thought that his wife was going to have to pay him back for putting new tires on our vehicle. My attorney definitely got a giggle out of that one. I thought for sure he was going to bring up the headlights and the stereo system but maybe he forgot about those. At any rate oh, there is a lesson for everyone else in this as well. If you are married and you do have a vehicle, it only goes by Kelley Blue Book value in a court of law. It doesn't matter what you have done to it or what you think it is worth.

I guess that I am an old-fashioned kind of girl. A marriage is supposed to be combined everything. No one is better than the other. No one works harder than the other. No one makes more than the other. No one tries harder than the other. It's called respect for each other and for the future that you were building.

Another indication of abuse is that the abuser will only take care of things that are important to him. His debts, his wants, his needs, his desires, and just about anything else.

Unless there is some type of prenuptial agreement, or any other agreement, there should be a joint everything. If someone is not willing to share everything with you and it is not a solid marriage.

I remember telling him that we are all in or we are all out. He said that we were all in except for a joint bank account. Like I had mentioned previously there are hundreds of red flags even before this point. I only listen to my heart not my head. Stupid me. We were supposed to get a joint credit card just for the medical so it would be easier for me to keep up with what was going on and also to file taxes. An abuser will always tell you that it's going to happen, but it never does. There is always an excuse.

I think the worst thing about trying to share your life with someone you consider your best friend is that they will use every detail against you. They will take every memory and throw it at you in the worst possible way.