The Screaming Silence Of Loving Someone
Ahhhh...the love of growing old! But is it actually love? How do you know what love is? Can you give definition to the word love without actually feeling it?
I must say that I have truly loved only one man in my lifetime. I have felt love for others, but it is a kindred type of love. My family is a very large family and for that I am thankful. Although over the past 5 years, or so, it has started to dwindle down. There's nothing better than a closely bonded family that can stand up to the ever changing times. Keeping a family together takes just as much work as any relationship or marriage.
Now where was I? Oh yes, Love! That heartbeat that will take your breath away with just a thought of being in love with a person. Butterflies flutter at any given moment. There's just nothing more beautiful than to spend your waking moments loving someone, Or is it all just a fantasy?
Mine is just a daydream. Every moment I'm awake I see him. I need him. I desire him. I want to share every moment of my life with him. That dream has become a reality several times just to have it blow right up into my face. The hatred he spews. The jealousy that he cannot control. The threats that are simply unimaginable. The dream is a walking nightmare when I'm awake. For 25 years I have had a picture of someone in my mind. The one who can do no wrong. Yet even when he does, he's forgiven in little or no time at all.
I am so stupid to think that he could ever really love me. Half of my life is gone. Hopeless dreams are now shattered into a million pieces and there is no returning the image back to the original state. You need answers of why things happened. You need to know that you have let others slip through your fingers while holding onto unrequited love for just one man. How can this be? Why now? Is this punishment for his lack of conscious? I will never know! When rage takes over someone's soul, there is no recovering from it. Love will be digested, twisted, and manipulated. I can count the times of happiness on both hands if I try hard enough. And although I can write novels of the horrors brought to myself and my family, a library of empty pages is still not enough to get out what nightmares I see.
In 25 years I have grown up to be a fantastic woman...If I say so myself. I am, I was, I will be again. I cannot ever see this person again. I cannot look into his eyes. I cannot touch his skin. I cannot have any pictures that remind me of the life we had. I must destroy anything that has to do with recalling he even existed. He is my weakness! My one and only weakness in life. I know this, but yet holding onto this type of love is deadly. Has anyone else ever loved someone their whole life but cannot have them? Are you soul mates in life and afterlife? How do you realize that this is wrong and Mr. Right is out there just waiting for you? For me it is impossible.
The Screaming Silence of his voice haunts me every day. I will never hear his voice utter the lies that melted my heart. The man who I have always desired to grow old with.
I must say that I have truly loved only one man in my lifetime. I have felt love for others, but it is a kindred type of love. My family is a very large family and for that I am thankful. Although over the past 5 years, or so, it has started to dwindle down. There's nothing better than a closely bonded family that can stand up to the ever changing times. Keeping a family together takes just as much work as any relationship or marriage.
Now where was I? Oh yes, Love! That heartbeat that will take your breath away with just a thought of being in love with a person. Butterflies flutter at any given moment. There's just nothing more beautiful than to spend your waking moments loving someone, Or is it all just a fantasy?
Mine is just a daydream. Every moment I'm awake I see him. I need him. I desire him. I want to share every moment of my life with him. That dream has become a reality several times just to have it blow right up into my face. The hatred he spews. The jealousy that he cannot control. The threats that are simply unimaginable. The dream is a walking nightmare when I'm awake. For 25 years I have had a picture of someone in my mind. The one who can do no wrong. Yet even when he does, he's forgiven in little or no time at all.
I am so stupid to think that he could ever really love me. Half of my life is gone. Hopeless dreams are now shattered into a million pieces and there is no returning the image back to the original state. You need answers of why things happened. You need to know that you have let others slip through your fingers while holding onto unrequited love for just one man. How can this be? Why now? Is this punishment for his lack of conscious? I will never know! When rage takes over someone's soul, there is no recovering from it. Love will be digested, twisted, and manipulated. I can count the times of happiness on both hands if I try hard enough. And although I can write novels of the horrors brought to myself and my family, a library of empty pages is still not enough to get out what nightmares I see.
In 25 years I have grown up to be a fantastic woman...If I say so myself. I am, I was, I will be again. I cannot ever see this person again. I cannot look into his eyes. I cannot touch his skin. I cannot have any pictures that remind me of the life we had. I must destroy anything that has to do with recalling he even existed. He is my weakness! My one and only weakness in life. I know this, but yet holding onto this type of love is deadly. Has anyone else ever loved someone their whole life but cannot have them? Are you soul mates in life and afterlife? How do you realize that this is wrong and Mr. Right is out there just waiting for you? For me it is impossible.
The Screaming Silence of his voice haunts me every day. I will never hear his voice utter the lies that melted my heart. The man who I have always desired to grow old with.
Comments
Post a Comment